Hilde: Tantra guide on Texel
‘I learned through Tantra to stop trying so hard’
When I was 30, I dove headfirst into the unknown by joining a Tantra retreat – without any experience in meditation or bodywork. Something essential felt missing in my life, and I said yes on impulse.
I can still picture myself sitting in that first meditation circle. Looking around, feeling so exposed. Afraid to say anything. I had taught myself to hide what I truly felt, to create an outer version of me that I thought others wanted to see.
Tantra invited me to do the opposite: to actually show what I was really thinking and feeling. For me, that was a total reversal, a radical liberation.
I realized I had an idea of what sex meant to me, but I didn’t actually know what intimacy was. Which, in hindsight, makes perfect sense; if I can’t allow myself to be myself, how could I ever be intimate with myself or with someone else?
‘Tantra changed everything’
Intimacy… I had barely ever thought about it. It was a big question mark for me. And Tantra changed everything about that.
During that week, I gradually started to show and express more of what was truly happening inside me. And in doing so, I began to see in other people’s eyes that they liked me – just as I was, in that very moment. My confidence grew, and with it, my sense of freedom. Now, I’m able to stay close to myself when I meet others. I feel both connected and free.
I discovered how essential connection with others is, to get to know myself and to truly feel my worth. Especially in connection with my partner, I experienced the deepest sense of safety in my body and the freedom to be myself. That experience inspired me to become a couples and family therapist.
Safe connection
As a therapist, I help others feel safe in connection too. So that you can reach out to your partner when you need something, and so that you can experience the safety to be completely yourself within your relationship.
As a couples therapist, I work from an attachment-based perspective and use the Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) approach. Just like in Tantra, EFT invites you to say “yes” to everything you experience.
I attune to the dance that partners move through – the rhythm of distance and closeness, of withdrawing and holding on. In that dance, the deeper intelligence of their steps becomes visible. When you can stay lovingly present with whatever is happening in the moment, space opens up for the underlying fears and longings – and through that, your connection deepens.
What Tantra means to me
An important element of Tantra for me is allowing my sensitivity. The meditations and practices help open all the senses. Sometimes I can feel that sensitivity in every pore of my body. As if I dissolve a little and become one with everything around me. Free, open, and soft. This sensitivity is wonderful when I make love, but just as magical when I’m in a beautiful place in nature, completely absorbed by the beauty around me.
Of course, I experience the opposite too. After a busy workday, I can feel armored and closed off. But when I take the time to truly meet my partner – without any agenda – something inside me begins to move again. A softening happens, and suddenly there’s space again for togetherness and joy.
I love helping others learn to stop trying so hard. That “trying” lives mostly in your head – in all the ideas and expectations of who you think you should be. I help you drop into your body, to give your sensitivity space. When that sensitivity is welcomed in all its richness, life itself becomes so much deeper and more vibrant.
Since moving to Texel, I’ve found a lot of space to connect with nature. Twice a week, I go into the sea with the women from my village – even in winter. Together we watch the sunrise while floating in the cold water. Often, a curious seal pops up to watch us. Every morning, the sky and the light are different. It feels profoundly rich to be open in those moments – to feel connected to everything around me.
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