Tantra & sexual energy
As in all other spiritual paths, in Tantra we practice increase and expand our consciousness.
Tantra differs from all other traditional spiritual paths, because we also practice our sexual energy to flow more freely.
Another word for sexual energy is ‘vital life energy’. It is the creative life force that flows through everything and everyone. You use it in everything you do, all day long: when you do the dishes, when you argue, take the kids to school – and also: when you have sex.
Shakti & Shiva
Shakti is a beautiful, sensual Tantric goddess who symbolizes this life energy. In this painting, she’s the right half of the body. She is never separate from her male counterpart: Shiva. He embodies consciousness.
When we have more Shakti at our disposal, our entire life becomes richer, more radiant, more glowing, more intense.
Exactly what we want… right?
Suppressing Shakti
When your energy starts to flow freely, the Shakti intensifies everything we like: your love, empathy, joy, your pleasure.
Shakti also intensifies everything we find difficult: your confusion, pain, anger, sadness and fear. She gives energy to everything in our lives: the beautiful and the painful.
So when we release our Shakti, we do not know what we will experience the next moment. This can feel really vulnerable. Because: do they still love me, if I get angry? Or if I experience bliss? For many of us, in the past, indeed they didn’t.
And so we suppress our Shakti. We do this by creating tension: in our mind; by thinking a lot. And also in the rest of our body; in our muscles, bones, tendons…we can create tension in our whole being.
Our breath is of the places where we tense up first. We have all learned to breathe very shallowly. Because if you would breathe deeper, you would feel more.
If feeling is scary or dangerous, then shallow breathing is very smart. This way you control and limit your free flow, so that you are safe again.
And then?
I think everyone desires to grow and mature. And we mature by experiencing life itself; both the beautiful and the difficult things of our existence.
The more fully we can experience the events in our lives, the deeper we mature.
In Tantra, we invite our Shakti to flow more freely again. By doing so, we stoke up the fire within, that ignites our experiences.
We do this, for example, by letting our body move loosely, making sounds and, above all: by breathing more deeply.
During your Tantra session you probably gained some experience in this.
The extra oxygen you take in, creates more flow. More flow means: more sensations, more feelings… your experience deepens. And that makes it easier to become aware of everything that is going on in your body.
This way you become more alive and more conscious at the same time: Shakti and Shiva united.
When Shakti is free...
Our Shakti naturally flows in many different ways. She gives us all kinds of experiences. Sometimes she makes us sweet or tender. Sometimes she makes us feel strong and resilient. Sometimes fierce, maladaptive, raw.
Usually when we are making love, we try very hard to direct our energy in one particular way. We want to be sexy, a good lover or mistress.
But yeah; what is sexy? What is good?
We have a clear image of what a good lover looks like, or does. And to conform to our own image of ‘sexy’ or ‘good’, we try to squeeze ourselves into a certain mold.
In doing so we limit and control our Shakti.
Over and over again, year after year, we direct our sexual energy in the same way. We have to work hard for that. We dare not trust that something will happen automatically, if we would just relax. We always have to perform in bed. Even when we are alone and making love to ourselves.
Breath as the big game changer
That hard work is – I think – the reason why many couples get tired of sex at some point. We just don’t feel like having to toil or adapt ourselves like that anymore. Or, let me speak for myself: I was completely done with sex at one point!
If you want to experience more freedom in sexuality, it will really help to loosen up your ideas about sex. Your images of what it should feel like, what it should look like. Of what is sexy. It takes practice and confidence to no longer manipulate and control your energy, but to let it flow naturally. I will tell you more about this in the next email I’ll send you.
But for now I want to ask you to practice breathing. If there’s one thing that has given my sex life a boost, it’s breathing a little deeper while making love. Breathing deeper sometimes takes a bit of practice before it becomes natural to you. So please don’t give up after one time.
Remember to use the ‘wind breath’ – taking in the air trough an imaginative straw. After a few minutes you’ll start to feel a little bit light in your head… actually a rather pleasant feeling if you don’t think something goes wrong. More space between your thoughts, giving you space to experience something else as well.
Again, after a few minutes you’ll notice you don’t have to remind yourself to breath deeply anymore. Your body has taken over and does it by itself…
From this point, simply follow the impulses of your body. As the images in your head have loosened up, it’s much easier to feel free. Maybe you want to touch your partner, taste them, dance with them or simply hold or kiss them…maybe you are laughing or crying together.
From now on, this – and much more – all fits in your new intimacy.
I wish you lots of relaxation and pleasure!
Hugs, Marije
